Official Rodent Deterrence Program. Est. 2026. Not affiliated with any pest control authority.
The Rodent Deterrence Program exists to address a threat nobody asked us to address: a single, determined mouse, and a piece of cheese that — through no fault of the visitor — has become permanently attached to their cursor. Our mandate is simple. Keep the two apart for as long as possible.
Upon initiating a session, the cheese in question relocates itself to wherever your pointer happens to be, at all times, without exception. The mouse enters from an unannounced edge of the screen and begins tracking the cheese's scent — which is, for regulatory purposes, indistinguishable from tracking your cursor. Its pursuit speed increases gradually the longer the session continues, which the Program considers highly motivating rather than concerning.
Contact between mouse and cheese ends the session immediately. There is no partial credit for near misses, however dramatic.
Visitors who leave the browser tab for an extended period should be aware: the mouse does not wait indefinitely. After a sufficient interval without pursuit, it will conclude the chase is over, construct a small nest from the visitor's browser history, and settle in. The Program regards this as a satisfactory outcome for the mouse, if not for the visitor's search history.
It doesn't, particularly. The mouse was never going to starve either way. But a timer is ticking, a rodent is approaching, and there is something to be said for staring down a small imaginary animal instead of doing literally anything else with your afternoon.